Constantine - The Slaughter
Feb. 20th, 2005 01:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lissa_quonOk, so I'm a nutcase, I laugh at innapropiate times in movies, I also cut my geek teeth on DC Vertigo comics when I was ten (my sis got sick of me bugging her so she'd just shove some reading material at me sometimes she'd remember to find something that wasn't too mature for my age).
So while I'm not an rabid Hellblazer reader whose read the whole series cover to cover and catalouged the Constantine family tree I am familiar with the character of John Constantine. He made appearances in Swamp Thing, Sandman, and Books of Magic which I've read. I've also read enough of the actual series to get the gist of it.
Ok, heres the general gist of John Constantine in the comic books, he's a bastard, he's an ass and some might call him an anti hero. He is a rather complicated character, and Keanu Reeves seems to run only one emotion per decade (1990's: confused, 2000-onward: 'stoic').
Anyways movie wise, it opens up talking about the Spear of Destiny (Spear of Longinus to less campy crowds, the spear that pierced Christ's side on the cross). Then it cuts to Mexico where some guy finds a pointy object wrapped in what is left of a nazi flag (Hitler is said to have owned the Spear rendering him invincible), the Mexican then goes nuts and is hit by a car and keeps he gets up and keeps on running. Sadly when I saw the nazi emblem and the spear my brain automatically started expecting Hellboy to show up on scene (geek). I think the movie would have been a bit more entertaining if he had.
Now for nit picks
What was all this balance crap? This is God and Satan and angels and demons, not some bizarre ying yang. Anyways movie wise, due to this balance only 'half breeds' could be on this plain. Well I'm confused, because in my mind half breeds mean angel/demon interaction with humans. Short of immaculate conception I'm baffled how that could happen without demons or angels directly on this plane. And if only half breeds are allowed on this plain what was Gabriel doing there? Why are some 'half breeds' kick ass guys in suits and others random guys in liquor stores?
What the hell was up with the pool? Was is part of the mental ward? was it a YMCA pool? was it open 24 hrs? was it public? I'd like to know since it seems like everyone has access to that damn pool 24/7.
The building had a cross on it, maybe it was the churches pool, but then wouldn't that make it sacred ground or some shit meaning the demons (half breeds?) couldn't sit there waiting for Mammon to make his appearance. Hell, Mammon couldn't even make his appearance then. Wait...why did they have to return to that damn pool in the first place?
Hell was dissapointingly empty. I was expecting Dante's Inferno, Milton's Paradise Lost type stuff, demon castles and woods of suicides and other such interesting layouts with plenty of damned people in it. Instead we get a mirror version of the world, on fire mind you. There were a few demons, very few, all look alikes. There were also a suprising number of cars in hell- burned out, they were on fire- no trucks though, I guess those go to heaven.
Sadly, the dialouge wasn't that bad, the special effects were good but could have been put to better use. The plot needed a bit more ironing out. There were pieces of things that just didn't pan out, like the repeated use of the pool, the actual cause of the sister's suicide, the scar etc. Thats just sloppy story telling.
Final grich, Lucifer, what have they done to you? To paraphrase some Christian comic book writers I used to follow, evil has to be powerful otherwise its not a threat, it has to be powerful to turn people away, it has to be seductive, it has to fool you into thinking you're getting the better deal. The DC Vertigo/ Constantine version of Lucifer was the epitome of that thinking. He used to be an angel, he was - to put it bluntly - hot, he was powerful. He was the bad guy.
So here I was positively on the edge of my seat wondering when Lucifer was going to make his entrance and give me my $3.50 worth (the cg effects covered teh other three dollars)and they give me... a creepy balding forty year old man. That guy was sleeze, that guy was odd, nothing about that guy made me debate about joining the dark side of the force.
Ok to sum up the rant thus far:
Giving the script to a fresh pair of eyes (I don't mean to add onto it, but just read it to check for clarity).
Changing some casting around (Constantine and Lucifer for one) also would have helped this be a pretty good show, instead of an annoying show that makes me cry and want to watch Hellboy to make the pain go away.
So while I'm not an rabid Hellblazer reader whose read the whole series cover to cover and catalouged the Constantine family tree I am familiar with the character of John Constantine. He made appearances in Swamp Thing, Sandman, and Books of Magic which I've read. I've also read enough of the actual series to get the gist of it.
Ok, heres the general gist of John Constantine in the comic books, he's a bastard, he's an ass and some might call him an anti hero. He is a rather complicated character, and Keanu Reeves seems to run only one emotion per decade (1990's: confused, 2000-onward: 'stoic').
Anyways movie wise, it opens up talking about the Spear of Destiny (Spear of Longinus to less campy crowds, the spear that pierced Christ's side on the cross). Then it cuts to Mexico where some guy finds a pointy object wrapped in what is left of a nazi flag (Hitler is said to have owned the Spear rendering him invincible), the Mexican then goes nuts and is hit by a car and keeps he gets up and keeps on running. Sadly when I saw the nazi emblem and the spear my brain automatically started expecting Hellboy to show up on scene (geek). I think the movie would have been a bit more entertaining if he had.
Now for nit picks
What was all this balance crap? This is God and Satan and angels and demons, not some bizarre ying yang. Anyways movie wise, due to this balance only 'half breeds' could be on this plain. Well I'm confused, because in my mind half breeds mean angel/demon interaction with humans. Short of immaculate conception I'm baffled how that could happen without demons or angels directly on this plane. And if only half breeds are allowed on this plain what was Gabriel doing there? Why are some 'half breeds' kick ass guys in suits and others random guys in liquor stores?
What the hell was up with the pool? Was is part of the mental ward? was it a YMCA pool? was it open 24 hrs? was it public? I'd like to know since it seems like everyone has access to that damn pool 24/7.
The building had a cross on it, maybe it was the churches pool, but then wouldn't that make it sacred ground or some shit meaning the demons (half breeds?) couldn't sit there waiting for Mammon to make his appearance. Hell, Mammon couldn't even make his appearance then. Wait...why did they have to return to that damn pool in the first place?
Hell was dissapointingly empty. I was expecting Dante's Inferno, Milton's Paradise Lost type stuff, demon castles and woods of suicides and other such interesting layouts with plenty of damned people in it. Instead we get a mirror version of the world, on fire mind you. There were a few demons, very few, all look alikes. There were also a suprising number of cars in hell- burned out, they were on fire- no trucks though, I guess those go to heaven.
Sadly, the dialouge wasn't that bad, the special effects were good but could have been put to better use. The plot needed a bit more ironing out. There were pieces of things that just didn't pan out, like the repeated use of the pool, the actual cause of the sister's suicide, the scar etc. Thats just sloppy story telling.
Final grich, Lucifer, what have they done to you? To paraphrase some Christian comic book writers I used to follow, evil has to be powerful otherwise its not a threat, it has to be powerful to turn people away, it has to be seductive, it has to fool you into thinking you're getting the better deal. The DC Vertigo/ Constantine version of Lucifer was the epitome of that thinking. He used to be an angel, he was - to put it bluntly - hot, he was powerful. He was the bad guy.
So here I was positively on the edge of my seat wondering when Lucifer was going to make his entrance and give me my $3.50 worth (the cg effects covered teh other three dollars)and they give me... a creepy balding forty year old man. That guy was sleeze, that guy was odd, nothing about that guy made me debate about joining the dark side of the force.
Ok to sum up the rant thus far:
Giving the script to a fresh pair of eyes (I don't mean to add onto it, but just read it to check for clarity).
Changing some casting around (Constantine and Lucifer for one) also would have helped this be a pretty good show, instead of an annoying show that makes me cry and want to watch Hellboy to make the pain go away.
